


Of All That I've Lost

by TheVattGhern



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, Mystery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 13:03:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11783724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVattGhern/pseuds/TheVattGhern
Summary: He was awake now, but he barely believed it. He remembers Juli Kidman, why did she let him live?





	Of All That I've Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy this fanfic, I wrote it out of the sheer fact that there are not many Kidman/Castellanos fanfics out there while I wished there were more. If youre thinking of writing one, please do, I'll love you forever. I'm sorry for any mistakes, this is my first time writing something like this. This fanfic takes a while to get to the "point" but I bet your happy butt will like it. I appreciate any constructive criticism and comments. This takes place outside STEM and a year before Evil Within 2.

It was all he ever was in the past few years, an angry drunk, a mentally unstable man, a bitter and an unforgiving person. With all this stated, how did he survive STEM? It broke down people, destroying their minds until they became something that could not be explained, not even in their worst nightmares. So why did Sebastian survive? He did succumb to madness in brief moments but it was nothing compared what he saw happen to others.

He was awake now, but he barely believed it. He remembers Juli Kidman, why did she let him live?

Her finger on her rosy lips, her fair face behind musky vision, "Leave this one, and that one," a slight tug at the corners of her mouth, sparing a glance at him, "theyre not going anywhere."

His eyes flashed open, his breathing ragged. Upon realising he was still in his warm bed, he relaxed. The street lights from outside his apartment gave his room an dim orange hue. Sebastian rubbed his face with his hands, trying to awake the numbed nerves. It was time to get back to work. He moved and sat at the edge of his bed, staring at his cluttered work desk.

After being deemed unfit to serve as a detective in the police work force, Sebastian was left unemployed. No one listened to him when he tried to explain what happened in STEM, what he survived, what he saw, what he will never forget. It was easy to discard him for it was easy to explain, a drunk detective who finally broke from the death of his daughter and his wife's disappearance. It appeared that no one wanted to associate with the madman.

He gripped the sides of the bed, anger bubbling within him, barely kept behind the edge. His mood softened as he noticed the half full whiskey bottle on the desk.

He stood up and walked over to the desk, gazing at the files upon it. Sebastian currently worked as a private investigator, it helped pay bills while he carried out an investigation of his own. The detective knew quite a bit about Mobius, though not enough to prove that what he saw was real. He knew about how Ruvik worked for them, Kidman as well. But what hurt him the most was the discovery that his wife, Myra, is a Mobius agent. Was this why Lily died? Was this why all this shit happened? He still needed more information, as the two years that passed bore little fruit.

He picked up a file for a private case he was working on. The client was a middle aged woman who believed her husband was having an affair, so she asked Sebastian to find evidence for it. The detective sighed as he read through the file, growing bored at the amount of cases he had to investigate where a woman believed her spouse was involved with another. It was either that or a husband wanting his wife's shopping habits tracked and recorded.

Dropping the file, he picked up the whiskey bottle and took a few long gulps of the burning liquid. He welcomed the pain as the whiskey burned the length of his throat.

Putting the bottle back down, he looked at his wristwatch, the time was almost twelve in the morning, a perfect time to get fresh air. Sebastian already wore casual clothing, a collared white shirt with long sleeves and a pair of black jeans. Before leaving, Sebastian made sure his gun was loaded with safety turned on before placing it in the gun holster at his hip. The detective wasnt paranoid, he knew his investigation regarding Mobius had not gone unnoticed, it was a matter of time before those who watch decide to visit.

He put on his cream coloured trench coat before finally heading out into the night.

The air of Krimson city always smelled of despair, but it was the smell he had grown accustomed to. He was glad to have left his apartment for a while, it had been a while since he left to take a proper walk, not just a walk to the bar. He recalled how on nights like these he would smoke a cigarette, but Sebastian felt that he wanted to live a little longer and stopped smoking. It has been a year since his last cigarette. His method? Replace the cigarettes with more alcohol. Better one addiction than two.

Sebastian was passing an alleyway when he stopped in his steps, the corner of his eyes spotting something. He turned his head to see a figure of a man leaning against the wall of the building, staring at the ground. Then he seemed to notice Sebastian, lifting his head to look at him. 'How do I address you?' Asked the man, his voice was cold and monotone. Sebastian scowled, was he asking for his name?

'Sebastian,' he replied confusedly. The man pulled away from the wall and turned towards Sebastian. The detective noticed he cocked his head to the side. 'I thought it was Detective Castellanos.'

'I don't work for the cops anymore,' Sebastian replied nonchalantly, even if he was slightly alarmed.

'I do hope you counted how many bottles it took to get you thrown out,' said the man calmly, now stepping towards Sebastian. He finally stepped into the light where Sebastian could look at him.

The man was tall, but a head shorter than the six foot Sebastian. The jacket he wore was black and had a turned out collar, a white shirt peaked beneath the jacket. His pants were loose fitting and black as well. Sebastian stared at his face for a long while, he looked young, probably a teen of fifteen or sixteen years of age, but he looked so old. He didnt seem homeless, his clothes and pale white skin were clean and his dark hair was properly combed, so why is this young man out here at 12 am?

'Is there something you want?' Sebastian snapped, how did this man know so much about him? The man didnt smile, but it looked like he did, just a slight twitch at the corners of his mouth. 'To talk, to listen. It seems that you need someone for the latter, yes? Such an interesting story.'

Sebastian stared angrily at him. The detective believed he mightve been someone from the police force; no doubt they mock him now after he was fired, or perhaps an agent from Mobius, sent to kill him. Sebastian felt ready at both options. Then Sebastian noticed something about the young man, something which explained why he looked so old; his eyes were black, a pure black that blanketed the entire eye.

'A story of blood and gore. A fun story for goth kids like yourself.'

This time the man smiled. 'Upon my entry into this realm, Ive been called that so many times.'

'What? "Into this realm"? Are you saying this is not real? Another STEM?'

The man shook his head. 'I am a mere observer, Sebastian. I am the alien in these lands, so do not pull your hair out again,' he said boredly, crossing his arms. 'Men like you, Sebastian, are quite predictable. Ive seen it many times before, but Ive noticed you still can be interesting at times to suprise me completely. In a way, you have caught my interest,' explained he.

'And?' Sebastian asked, getting quiet interested himself.

'Too boring for my mark but interesting enough for some information, so pay attention,' he said, squinting a bit at Sebastian. The detective nodded. 'You have worked very hard, working your way to find truth about a wasps nest. You will get there eventually, but not in a way you'd expect, what once was dead will awake, begging for another soul. You will either gladly give yours, or you will learn that everything has an ulterior motive, and understand that not all good choices are easy.'

Sebastian scowled. 'Talking in riddles and wasting time; that something you do often?'

'Wasting your time? Is there an unfinished bottle of liquor calling out to you at this time?'

Sebastian tightened his lips in a glower. If there were things you never brought up when speaking with Sebastian, it is his family and his drinking issues. This man brought it up far too many times for Sebastian to remain calm, but he held his tongue anyways, for he was still unsure what was before him.

'You know my name, plan to tell me yours?' Asked Sebastian.

'I lost my name a long time ago. I have a name of legend now, one many would remember. It is simple, explains how Im not one of the people, how I am merely just one you would never accept. Ill let you figure it out-'

'The Outsider, that riddle was simpler,' Sebastian said boredly.

'Another suprise,' said The Outsider, 'it appears Ill have to reveal another piece of information, though it is more like a message;

'When the light that led the way became a flame that angered the eye, you thought the beholder dead. But it is untrue, for the one scorched by fate walks with you.'

Sebastian smiled. 'Hitting that bastard with the lantern is one of the best things that ever hapened to me in STEM. Im a little glad Ruvik is alive, it means I can stranggle the son of a bitch myself,' he said. The Outsider shrugged. 'Alive, but not in a way you'd expect,' the immortal said. This made Sebastian take a step forward. 'What do you mean?' He asked immediately. The Outsider stared blankly at him, Sebastian could sense he was a little bored. 'You're not going to tell me,' it wasn't a question, Sebastian was making an observation.

'This night is quite odd for you, but later when you are left alone with your thoughts, you will realise it is a lot odder than you thought it was, but do enjoy yourself, just try and do without the-'

'The alcohol, yeah I got it the first time.'

The Outsider scowled. Sebastian concluded that this man isnt usually interrupted when he is speaking. But Sebastian has had enough of his cocky attitude, and hopes the little bastard would leave soon.

'I wanted to say "self-loathing" but of course you would understand your own weaknesses far better than I,' he said mockingly. 'Glad we understand each other. I appreciate you trying to help me, but I hope I never see your goth bitch face again,' Sebastian spat, releasing some of the suppressed anger he had for him. The Outsider blinked slowly. 'Interesting choice of words, though unfortunately for you, we will definitely meet again, just not at a very comfortable place like this.'

A silence followed, Sebastian felt a chill on his skin at The Outsider's words. Sebastian couldnt stop wondering, what is this creature before him?

'Life is more beautiful with a little mystery, don't you agree Sebastian?' With that, he vanished into a dark smoke. The sight before Sebastian made him stare for a long time. He wondered if he had gone mad, or maybe he was still in STEM. For once, Sebastian rejected both ideas. He believed this was real. Life is far more ridiculous and crazy than one could ever say.

He didnt know how long he stood there, gazing at the empty space where once a person stood. When Sebastian finally came back to his senses, finally sensing the rain that fell from the sky and drenched his clothes, he rushed back to his apartment.

Upon reaching his apartment door, he paused. He swore he heard a sound admist the patter of rain. He unholstered his weapon and turned the safety off. He unlocked the door and slowly pushed it open. He met with the darkness of his apartment. Nothing so far.

Sebastian checked the small living room, nothing appeared amiss. He went to the kitchen and checked the windows. Sebastian found a strand of white string on the ground, he matched it to the string he tied around the clasp that kept his window closed. If anyone opened the window, it would have fallen to the ground. It was enough evidence that someone had come in through the window. Sebastian sighed, he knew he should have boarded up the windows long ago, even if it would anger the landlord, but maybe if he just reasoned with him-

He heard a small sound coming from his room, it sounded like something was dropped. Sebastian made his way to the room, making sure his steps were as silent as possible. Upon reaching the door, he took a deep breath before kicking it open. He quickly stepped inside with his gun out and ready. The sound of the door slamming against the wall echoed in the empty room. Sebastian looked left and right, seeing that no one was around, but he knew otherwise. He immediately made his way to the closet, he reached out to the door and opened it. Nothing. But Sebastian wasnt satisfied, he began to rumage through the closet, and that was when he was attacked. Whoever it was, they moved fast, lunging at Sebastian before he could open fire. But the fight was quick, for this person was lighter and shorter than Sebastian, he easily pinned their face against the wall, earning a loud shout from them.

From the shout, Sebastian realised this was a woman, and felt a little bad for treating her so harshly, but the blow she landed on his face and chest made him think twice. 'Let go of me!' She shouted furiously. He noticed the gun in her hand and pushed her harder against the wall, pinning his body against hers. 'Drop it,' he said firmly, now placing the barrel of his weapon against the side of her jaw, 'now.'

She stopped resisting and dropped the gun the ground. Sebastian kicked it away immediately, it scuttered across the wooden floorboards before hitting something with a loud thud. He leaned into her ear. 'Who are you?' His voice was merely an angry rasp. 'Sebastian let me go. Youll break my fucking arms off,' she complained. Sebastian knew that voice, and now finally looking at the back of her head, he recognised the short hair style. He turned her around and met with a familiar face. 'Kid?'

She took the chance to look him over. 'Seems you havent changed much,' commented she. He relaxed his grip and took a step back, the disbelief was clear. 'What have you done?' He breathed, his words were on how she allowed him and many innocents to enter STEM, how she lied to him and Joseph about what was going on. So much was lost, so much could have been avoided.

'Im sorry,' she said, looking guilty.

'Who killed my daughter?' He asked for he never could find the answer. Juli hesitated. 'I dont know-'

'Dont lie to me Kid,' he said through clenched teeth. She shivered at his words. 'Sebastian, I swear I dont know. Mobius used to speak about it but never revealed whose idea it was.'

Sebastian's face was scrunched up in an angry grimace, he looked around the room and saw his files were disturbed. 'So you come here hoping to see what dirt I got on your bosses? Did you think Id be stupid enough to keep them here?'

Juli laughed, whether at his words or at him wholly, Sebastian wasn't sure. 'I wanted to see what type of cases this private investigator was involved in. It is an odd change from crooked cops and murderers, to housewives and angry businessmen.'

'They kicked me out. Said I was crazy,' Sebastian said grimly.

'They weren't wrong. You were crazy enough to chase after Mobius. Mobius is getting worried, and is planning to send a guy or two to take care of you,' Juli said while crossing her arms. Sebastian scowled angrily at her. 'What do you expect me to do? Beg and cry for my life? Ill fight you and any other Mobius asshole that comes after me.'

'You think I came to kill you?' She sounded offended.

'Why else would you come here? And dont forget you attacked me as well.'

'For one, I attacked you because I thought a Mobius agent followed me here, as I came to warn you about them. I heard that your drinking got worse, so I expected you to be more... bloated,' she admitted. 'You would be suprised how much running and chasing I still have to do,' he said jokingly. He turned and walked towards her gun and picked it up. He then handed it to her. 'Here.'

She looked at him, her brown eyes filled with uncertainty, but she eventually took it. 'You know, Id never want to hurt you,' she said weakly. Sebastian chuckled and shook his head. He left the room and headed to the kitchen, he heard her follow behind him. He took off his wet trench coat and hung it on a chair. 'You still have it?' He heard her ask. 'What, the coat?'

'Yeah.'

'Dont try and make small talk, Kid,' he said as he opened a cabinet and picked out a bottle of whiskey. 'Can it wait until Im gone?' She complained. 'Nope,' he said, putting the bottle to his lips. He felt Juli grab his hand and pull it down. 'Please don't.' Her eyes were misty, in that moment Sebastian felt both annoyed and guilty. 'There are things inside me that I have to kill,' he said, keeping his grip on the bottle. 'All that's left inside is you,' she said caringly.

He felt a little touched at her words, but reminded himself who she was. He put the bottle down, he heard her breathe a small sigh of relief. 'Is there something else you wanted?' He asked annoyedly, pulling away from her and walked to the bathroom. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and groaned, he still had to shave the stubble on his face, probably go to the barber and get his hair cut, though he couldn't fix how tired he looked.

'I wanted to thank you.' She was leaning against the door frame. He looked at her from the corner of his eyes, noticing her soft natural curves. Her long-sleeved dress was black and reached the middle of her thighs, and wore black leggings underneath. He found her beautiful, and that pissed him off even more. 'You saved me numerous times in STEM, even when you didn't have to,' she continued when he didn't speak. 'It is because I trusted and cared for you,' he simply said. 'Listen, Im sorry-'

'You shot Joseph, and I dont know if he is even alive. The body wasn't there and I know damn well you're not gonna tell me,' he said angrily. He undid the buttons on his wet shirt, which clung uncomfortably to his torso.

'I would know if my ties with Mobius weren't so strained.'

'Oh, am I supposed to be thankful to you for letting me live?'

'Maybe just a little bit,' Juli said bitterly.

'I saved you and you let me live. We are even now.'

'You know Im worried for you. I know it's been two years-'

'Those fuckers took everything from me. My daughter, my job, my sanity. Even my wife worked for them. Ive got nothing left to live for, other than bringing Mobius down, I dont care if it kills me,' he spat. He took off his shirt and dropped it on the ground, the air felt cool upon his bare skin. 'I know Ruvik is still alive,' Sebastian continued, 'is he still with them?' He asked. 'I dont know, but I heard they're working on a new type of STEM, but it's probably without Ruvik.'

Sebastian felt his blood grow cold. He lowered his head, recalling the horrors of STEM. 'Dear god, they do not stay idle,' he breathed, realising how much he had to do. 'Would you at least try to be careful?' Juli asked softly. Sebastian smiled at her. He stepped towards her and noticed her nervousness. 'I don't know, I'm not very lucky,' he said timidly.

She cupped his cheek, an action he found odd, but he welcomed it's warmth. 'I want to see them fall just as much as you do. But it takes time, and I need you,' she said. He chuckled, then noticed her bandaged hand. 'You're hurt,' he said sadly. 'So, you do still care,' Juli said suprisedly. He found himself leaning into her hand, realising he has been starved physical affection for far too long. Of course Sebastian still slept with women, but they were simple bimbos he met at the bar. But this was different, Juli had him weak with just a touch, and the fact made him worried.

'Theyve hurt us both, Sebastian. We will pay them back, I promise,' she said, tears welling in her eyes. He couldn't stop himself from wiping away a tear that trickled down her cheek. She was right, he did care. Juli looked at him, as though she was looking at her lost love. That was when she kissed him.

Her soft lips were well accepted by his. Sebastian noted how warm she was, pressed so tightly against him, the fabric of her dress soft against his bare skin. She threw her arms around his neck as the passion between them intensified. He wrapped his arms around her waist, closing any remaining space between them. He felt her melt in his arms, now holding on to him for dear life. Sebastian took the opportunity leave her lips and kiss her vulnerable neck. He felt her hot breath at his neck, and her little gasps and moans were music to his ears.

She dragged her fingers through his thick hair, then gripped tightly. It hurt like hell, but that aroused Sebastian madly. He pulled away slightly, to find her pretty lips parted slightly and oh so inviting. He couldn't refuse another taste of her sweet lips, now tangling in them roughly, even gettting invasive with his tongue. The kitten in his arms appeared to enjoy all the attention, she rubbed her hips against him, teasing him, increasing his arousal.

Suddenly a question cut through his mind: what are you doing?

It was a good and reasonable question, this was a woman who changed in his life in a terrible way, but it wasn't entirely her fault, was it? Though Sebastian could not give a damn about that now, all he wanted was to see Juli Kidman naked and push himself inside her steaming arousal, maybe even get a taste for himself.

He released a rough growl as he scooped her into his arms, causing her to gasp in suprise. He walked to the bedroom and laid her down on the bed. He tugged her boots and leggings off, making her whimper in suspense. He had no doubt her arousal was starting to pain her, just like his was. Juli fumbled to remove the loose dress, finally pulling it over her head. She spread her legs wide for Sebastian, but he still took the time to tease her, touching her through the thin fabric of her panties.

He softly cupped her lips with his own, distracting her as his hand slipped underneath the fabric. He growled upon discovering her the amount of inviting wetness between her legs. Sebastian was patient, playing with her wet and inviting cunt. He trailed a little higher, just to flick the bundle of nerves which drove her close to edge before stopping, making her shudder in disappointment. He then trailed lower, to find that she was very tight and could barely fit two of his fingers inside her. She pulled away from his lips when the pain got too harsh for her. He wanted to try and stretch her further, knowing that she would have trouble accomodating him later, but Juli grew impatient. She tried to make him touch her again, allow her to have her climax, but Sebastian would not allow it. He wanted to feel her tightness around him when she would reach ecstacy.

He quickly undid his jeans and took them off along with his shoes. Juli undid her bra and threw it across the room while Sebastian removed his final article of clothing.

He released a ragged sigh as her gentle hand stroked him slowly, trailing his own wetness along his large hot shaft. Juli stared into his eyes, her innocent look made him more eager to take her roughly. She must have noticed the change in him, for she turned away with a shy blush forming on her cheeks.

He made her lay on her side, while he positioned himself behind her. Now came the difficult part, fitting all of him inside the tiny her. He could feel her nervousness as she grew tense when he positioned himself at her vulnerable entry. He placed warm, wet kisses along her neck. He could feel her purrs against his lips. 'I will be gentle,' he reassured. 'You better,' she said huskily. He wrapped an arm around her chest. He could feel her beating heart, pumping wildly against the cage of her chest.

He entered her slowly, allowing her to readjust to him. When she cried out in pain, he didnt pull out, but rather just stayed inside her. To calm her, Sebastian kissed Juli's neck, and left a few bruises of passion when encouraged by her soft mewls.

He finally buried himself deep inside her, earning a gasp from her. He began to thrust slowly, her leaking arousal made it much easier to do so. Her tightness felt incredible around him. Sebastian moved his hand from her chest and gripped her neck. He could feel her swallow in fear, but he knew she liked it. Juli snaked her hand through his hair and held tightly.

After a few minutes, Sebastian felt her growing tighter, and her moans grew louder. He could tell she was close to release. He began to thrust into her with a greater passion. He turned her head to face him. 'Look at me,' he commanded. And she did. Her sparkling brown eyes stared into his.

'Come for me.'

Juli could barely keep eye contact with her passionate lover as an orgasm took her body. He growled in approval as continue to take her with an intense vigour. He tightened his grip around her neck. From the intense emotion on her face, Sebastian could tell she enjoyed the mix of pain and pleasure.

He noticed her ecstasy was near its end, he removed his hand from her neck and began to rub her sensitive nub. 'You're going to love this,' he told her. She yelped at his touch and weakly grabbed his hand. 'Sebastian, please don't-'

'Shhh...' he whispered. 'Sebastian...' she whimpered. He felt her clamp tighter around him, within a few seconds she came again. Juli screamed in bliss, moaning Sebastian's name over and over. He loved to watch as she climaxed, to see the way her she bit her lip in a failed attempt to be silent, to see the blush on her cheeks, to see her so vulnerable.

Sebastian couldn't contain his own passions for much longer, and she was wet, tight and terribly inviting. He moved slowly, releasing deep inside her. An animalistic growl left his throat, forcing his lips roughly upon hers. Juli squealed in delight, she turned over to make her body face his. She gripped his well-defined shoulders as they shared a passionate kiss. Sebastian pulled out of her warm wetness, feeling completely satisfied.

Sebastian held Juli close, enjoying the sweetness of her tongue. Sebastian felt confused at how warm she was, how warm she made him feel. This was not right, he thought, but he could not care less.

'Sebastian?' She said when she pulled away. He gave her a look of interest, but said no word. 'You know, I sometimes wondered what it would be like to... sleep with you,' she said timidly. Sebastian chuckled. 'Well Juli, now you know.'

She gave him a wide-eyed stare. 'What?' He said confusedly. 'You never called me that.'

'You mean "Juli"? I think I have.'

'No, you didn't,' she pressed laughingly. 'What about that time at Joe's, where the three of us got hammered and got into a fight with a tree?'

'Not even then, you called me Kiddo. That night was crazy, remember we kidnapped some guy's chicken?'

Sebastian laughed, remembering those days with Juli and Joseph. But then his heart pained as he thought of his close friend Joseph. He grew silent and closed his eyes. He felt her hand touch his rough cheek. 'Sebastian, I-'

'I forgive you,' he said simply, finally coming to terms with the truth. Juli didnt say a word. She pushed her slender nakedness against him in a post coital embrace, he instinctively wrapped his arms around her. In this position he could smell her hair; coconut and peach.

She pecked him on the lips before nuzzling into his neck. 'Goodnight, Sebastian.'

Her warmth was so intoxicating, so sweet, and he knew he had just gained another addiction. He was too weak to speak, so all he could do was grunt in response. He soon fell into a peaceful sleep, a type of sleep he has not experienced in years.

He wondered if he awoke the next morning, would she still be there in his arms?


End file.
